How to Work It
Mentees, resist the temptation to implore, “Just give me the answer!” Outside of specific subject matter expertise or in perilous circumstances requiring a strong hand, mentors should not even recommend a course of action. You are not a child needing or seeking parental instruction.
There are practical reasons for not feeding you an answer. First, history has proven I am (mentors are) occasionally wrong. Second, you possess information we do not have and know your “business” better than us. Third, you are more invested in a solution you decide upon versus one you are instructed to do.
A mentor’s value does not lie in supplying answers but in revealing the answer within you. Developmental mentors employ the Socratic Method, asking question after question and stimulating learning through critical thinking. This process enables and empowers the mentee to formulate the solution.
How did you previously address a similar situation? What worked? What did not?
Do you know someone who handled a similar situation? What would you emulate or discard?
What advice would you give a colleague facing similar circumstances?
What would you need or want if you were the other party (i.e., employee, significant other) in the situation?
The stated issue is often a symptom, and probing questions ferret out the root cause needing resolution. Identification of the underlying issue is the starting point of creating the solution.
My mentee, Bob, informed me his company did not achieve its previous year’s goals. He proposed to address the failure by undertaking a thoughtful, engaging planning exercise that would yield new plans designed to meet the objectives. Since Bob is an excellent planner and I could not offer much to aid the process, I steered the conversation to his original plans.
Were those plans well-conceived with team member engagement and aligned with company goals? Yes. Would the company have met its goals If those plans had achieved their objectives? Yes. The answers uncovered that the problem was not the quality of the plans but the quality of the execution.
Additional questions revealed the team did not maintain sufficient implementation activity because they were distracted by urgent but not-as-important circumstances. With this revelation, Bob committed to formulating a stay-the-course strategy to bring their goal-aligned plans to fruition.
Helping him find clarity did not require any technical knowledge of his business or the subject matter of the unfulfilled plans. Bob was capable of the solution; he just needed the clarity mentorship provides.
This discussion exposed a deficiency in my mentoring. Since I knew Bob was an excellent planner, I was complacent about checking his progress toward the goals. I learned to exercise more diligence concerning accountability.
You will be Stumped
Sometimes you do not know the questions to ask, or the answers do not help one escape a difficult or painful situation. These times are when the mentor’s good judgment is most valuable. Supplying an alternative perspective will not solve the problem but can redirect focus away from anxiety and towards a solution.
Barbara informed me her boyfriend was moving to another city, and she was deeply concerned about how they would continue their relationship. As I listened, I knew I could not rely upon experience or subject matter expertise.
When she finished, I asked if her friends with boyfriends living in the same city feel continuous pressure to develop and “resolve” those relationships. Barbara replied those couples are burdened with the ever-present question, “Is this the one?” I then rhetorically asked if it is better for a relationship to develop without the pressure of close proximity.
Barbara was comforted even though this new consideration did not address long-distance relationship challenges. However, the relief reduced the anxiety that could have been an impediment. Several months later, I was delighted to receive a picture of the happy, geographically challenged/blessed couple.
Alternative perspectives can make a powerful impact in seemingly hopeless situations. Viktor Frankl, psychologist, concentration camp survivor, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, could only offer an inconsolably grieving widower the following observation – your survival spared your wife this grief.
Next week we discuss the benefit of mentorship from the mentor’s perspective.
