Stating the Case
At some point, you have undoubtedly benefitted from a frank conversation with a trusted confidant, which leads to breakthrough growth.
While you may have incredible affection for that person and share incredibly intimate details of your life, that person is likely not a therapist, life coach, family member, or friend. They are mentors who enable growth you cannot achieve alone or through multi-dimensional relationships.
I turned to my mentors when I struggled to determine where to allocate my primary efforts – business or writing. They listened carefully to my tortured soul describe my feelings and dilemmas. They deftly asked a few questions and then suggested I listen to myself. “Bob” told me the words I used, and my energy in delivering them screamed the obvious answer: I wanted and needed to write.
They did not tell me what to do or how to do it. Most critically, they got me out of my own way and stopped me from being my own worst enemy.
Mentors listen, probe, uncover, and guide you to a place of understanding that empowers you to pursue and progress toward your passions.
They Aren’t…
Most think mentorship is only sage instruction from senior business people to junior ones or loving guidance from a family member or friend. I am referring to the type that occurs in a relationship unencumbered by other bonds.
Professional coaches can serve as mentors and are particularly effective when you are new to personal development. My former life coach, Jonathon Troen, with his skillful guidance, accelerated my journey, but this message addresses non-professional mentorship.
Therapy can provide mentorship-type benefits, but its primary purpose is to resolve emotional issues that mentorship cannot.
Family and friends possess love for you, but the beneficial and burdensome emotional baggage of your relationships may impair the objectivity required. They may care too much about your feelings to supply the directness you need and may worry too much about how their words might affect your feelings for them. Moreover, you may be uncomfortable disclosing everything you must to get the counsel you need.
What are they made of?
Age, gender, race, professional background, etc., are largely irrelevant. Significant life experience and demonstrated good judgment in evaluating situations and implementing solutions are far more critical than subject matter expertise.
The most crucial question is: Who are you comfortable being honest with and receiving honesty from?
An effective mentor is more invested in our success than our feelings and will tell us like it is. Many years ago, I passionately complained about a low-performing employee and sought sympathy from my mentor. After listening politely for a few moments, he interrupted to ask what I had done to develop the employee or why I retained him if he was incapable of development.
Treasured Relationship
While you may be very close to your mentors, you will not be friends as that term is commonly defined.
One of my mentees told his sister we shared great affection for each other, he told me things he did not tell his family, and that our interaction greatly influenced his thinking and actions but that we were not friends.
We have a personal connection and would love to eat potato chips and root for the Cowboys together. However, it is more important we do not create a social dependency that inhibits the honest, revealing communication necessary for our mutually beneficial mentoring relationship. One exception. He did take me to services at a Mosque, and the story of that visit will appear in my upcoming book.
Like close social friends, you may only have a few great mentor relationships in your lifetime, and you will find them equally precious and rewarding.
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There will be a lot more said in the following blog posts, but recognizing mentorship brings you to places you cannot otherwise go; you cannot help but seek it and then give it.