Examples Abound
It is the White guy who truthfully has Black friends but jokes about Blacks being unable to swim.
It is my bible study classmate who announced that he hates White people. While I have doubts about his honesty, there must be some truth to his words.
It was the Nazi party leaders who filed so many clemency requests for their Jewish doctors, grocers, and neighbors that the Nazi in charge of deporting Jews to concentration camps complained that there would be no one left to send if he accepted every request. Albert Speer, Inside the Third Reich.
How do we understand their conflicting relationships toward individuals versus the group? It is evidence that liking an individual does not mean one is free of prejudicial beliefs but indicates one can subdue their effect.
Racism is the example used in this message, but it applies to anything subject to improper bias – gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc.
Why, How?
We are naturally attracted to and feel most comfortable with those most like us. We stick to our own kind, whether in the majority or minority, overrepresented or underrepresented. We are uncomfortable with other tribes based on unfamiliarity, leading to suspicion, fear, and, in its worst manifestation, hate.
Whether these feelings result from nature or nurture is irrelevant as our nurturing has proved over millennia to be as deep-seated as our nature – see the Middle East.
Despite the rabblerousing by our politicians and media, our society is more accepting of diversity than ever; ask any 60-year-old Black or lesbian or watch TV commercials. Gen Y and Z viewing me as an older white man who is part of the establishment represents excellent progress. As a young man, a few called me a “taco,” “spic,” or one of that kind who carries knives.
Of course, past progress is no reason not to pursue more. No one suggests we cease searching for a cure for cancer because survival rates are higher than ever.
What to do?
We allow “one bad apple to spoil the bunch” by extending its meaning from a warning about our associations to a verdict against all class members based on one’s actions. It is unfair to assume I am a drunkard because a few of my Irish brethren are known to enjoy a few too many pints.
Perhaps we can employ the bad apple analogy in reverse by projecting our favorable opinion of one member onto the group. Assuming your next encounter will be favorable will lead to occasional disappointment but will prove far more successful in expanding your associations.
Can we aspire to judge people based solely on the content of their character, as Martin Luther King powerfully told us in his I Have a Dream speech? Although everyone understood he was referring to Black skin, Dr. King, by not designating a color, brilliantly made his message universal and equally instructive for my bible school classmate.
In the Absence of a Cure…
Like any behavior modification, the first step is acknowledging our prejudicial nature instead of futilely protesting, “There is not a racist bone in my body.” The purpose is not to self-flagellate or wallow in guilt but to avoid complacency
Despite my complete integration into my “Black” church and my overwhelming to the point of annoyance interest in and acceptance of other cultures, I cannot escape my human nature. It is similar to alcoholics who have not touched a drop in 40 years but still acknowledge they are alcoholics.
There is neither shame in the condition nor release from responsibility for our actions.
In addition to applying positive thoughts about individuals to the group, releasing preconceived notions was essential for my church integration. While it has much more to do with them than me, approaching them without preconceptions (to the extent I was able) allowed me to receive them for who they were.
Of course, the ultimate objective is to treat others as all wish to be treated, with acceptance, kindness, and respect.
_______________________________________________________
While we cannot eradicate our prejudices, we can tame them by reversing our thinking or releasing our notions that will transform our actions.