Components
Just as peace is not calmness, joy is not happiness; even the miserable are happy upon the birth of their first child. Joy is a persistent state attained by accepting every moment without assigning expectations and imposing judgment. Admittedly, it is a tall task, but consciously practicing gratitude and maintaining positivity reduces our impulse to judge.
Gratitude and a positive attitude do not insulate you from tragedy and suffering. You will fall ill, have trouble paying bills, see loved ones die prematurely, and your descendants will go through tough times. Joyfulness does not change dismal circumstances but equips you to handle them.
The Partners
An active gratitude practice enables a different perspective on our circumstances. Absent one, we tend to forget what we have and what is important. We allow the bad to overwhelm the good, like one negative comment outweighing five compliments. We focus on what is missing without realizing they are unnecessary. For more on gratitude, read this recent message.
The deaths of my beloved mother and a dear 25-year friend last year created sorrowful voids in my life. If I dwell only on the loss, joy will be elusive. Instead, I appreciate the lengthy, profoundly meaningful relationships. Gratitude does not erase the grief but redirects my thoughts more favorably to treasuring what I had.
Joy also requires positivity. It leads me to believe something will be added to my life even though nothing will replace the voids created by these deaths. Little Ricky did not replace my mother, but I am overjoyed by his entry (actually, exit – birth).
By positive outlook, I am not talking about your mother’s warning to act like you are having fun before attending the dreaded family reunion. It is anticipating goodness because you believe life is fundamentally good and have seen bad redeemed for good (another blog post).
Positivity attracts positive outcomes; it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, a non-vicious circle with the good fueling more good. The optimistic always seem to find the closest spot in a crowded parking lot and the fastest checkout line at the grocery store.
The Exemplar
It is not only what joy brings us; it is what it brings others. The joyful have an infectious, radiating energy, and their companions cannot help but receive it. Do you feel better just by being around a joyful person? What must you change to be that person?
My long-time readers know my Uncle Dave, a man with few apparent joyful circumstances. He watched two wives perish after long, tortuous battles with cancer. He lived with alcoholism (sober >40 years), and his financial resources could not supply luxuries. Finally, illness robbed him of the ability to move, and he relied on his son, Owen, to attend to his every physical need. The only thing he had more of than everyone else was joy.
During our final visit, when he was on the last bar of his battery charge, he used his remaining energy to light up his eyes, utter a few words through smiling lips, and squeeze my hand. He did not invest one iota of energy into despair over his condition. Why would he? He found reason to be happier than almost anyone.
Uncle Dave was unfailingly grateful for his many past and present blessings and was eternally optimistic that all would be well. He also passed in 2024, and I can no longer be in his presence, but I am thankful to carry his gift of example.
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Release your expectations and opinions about any moment and grasp joy by anticipating goodness and practicing gratitude.