What is the purpose of accolades and what do we do with them?
Acceptance
First, accept the compliment graciously by thanking the person who provided it. Often, we respond flippantly in an attempt at humility. Have you ever said, “Yes, the dress is pretty but it makes my butt look big” or “Yes, I finished the marathon but I ran slowly”? These well-intentioned expressions of humility reject or belittle the speaker’s generosity.
A friend recently spent hours thoughtfully consoling a fellow passenger who was grieving over the loss of a loved one. As he exited the plane, a flight attendant complimented him on his compassionate act. When he began to explain it was not a big deal, etc., the flight attendant interrupted him and said, “sometimes it is OK just to say thank you.”
If you need to say more, express appreciation for making the effort to compliment you. If you cannot withstand the unnecessary temptation to express humility, you can add something benign like “And I am working out more this year to do the dress even more justice or to run faster.”
This combination of responses conveys an appreciation for the compliment, recognition of its value, and the aspiration to do better.
Affirmation
While a compliment may make us feel good, it should not translate into overinflating our ego and making us insufferable. The true purpose is affirmation. Compliments inform us we are on the right path and should continue.
My pastor recently asked the congregation, “Are you creating a platform or building a stage?” If you desire widespread positive impact, you are creating a platform. If you desire popularity, you are building a stage.
All of us face times when we wonder if we are on the right path and if our efforts are worth the cost because we do not see the results we hoped for. Oftentimes, affirmation serves as a tonic and arrives at the exact time and manner needed.
After the first two years of working with brands and organizations in the consumer-packaged goods industry, I began to doubt if the considerable time and effort I had invested were worthwhile.
I was mired in these thoughts as I arrived at an industry event one evening. In the first ten minutes, two colleagues thanked me profusely for the vital assistance (connection to a supplier, employment referral) I had given them. A third, to whom I provided counsel on communicating with the owner of his business, excitedly presented me with a business card listing his new title as “Chief Executive Officer.”
While I was gratified by their gestures, the purpose was to affirm my past activities and the result was motivating me to continue them. This story also reminds us to provide praise to those engaging in worthwhile activities. Our words can invigorate another’s efforts.
Our Desire for Recognition?
Undertaking anything for public acclaim is a fool’s errand. Except for one person out of 8 billion, there will always be someone with more Instagram likes or TikTok views. No matter how clever or eloquent my words may be, they will never garner the same public attention as one photo of Kim Kardashian’s derriere.
At the same time, seeking popularity is valuable when the purpose of your activity is virtuous. More exposure and acceptance lead to greater impact. In other words, I want my writing to inspire as many people to pursue a fulfilling life as Kim Kardashian’s derriere has inspired to undergo Brazilian butt lifts.
Affirmation. Give it fuel another’s purpose. When given to you, accept it graciously and earnestly use it to further your purpose.
