The words from a 1967 Beatles song remain true today, “Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.” While we can attempt to go it alone, we should not.
We are born with less knowledge than a turtle that knows to crawl out of its sandy nest and use moonlight to find its ocean home. Everything we know is taught to us; your mother had to bring you to her breast. The lessons may come at our mother’s knee, in a classroom, or on the street corner from our friends. While this blog’s writing is mine, the messages are full of learnings generously poured into me by others.
Magnetism and Metamorphosis
We naturally gravitate to those most like us and tend to adopt our companions’ traits – positive and negative. When we lament a teen went bad when she fell in with the wrong crowd, do we ignore she went prepared to fit in? My latent desire to road cycle came to fruition when I joined a faith group coincidentally comprised of cyclists. Noted author and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, stated, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.“
Since we learn through interaction and gravitate towards the mean, it is essential we determine the characteristics most important to us and use them to select our comrades. We know the benefit of associating with those we respect, admire, and wish to emulate. They carry us to the higher level we aspire to.
If mere association is the answer, we could simply spend time with our exemplars and await the results. However, progress requires more than osmosis, it requires intentional action accompanied by a quantity of quality time.
Receive Your Role
We want inspiration and support to continually “be better,” more knowledgeable, virtuous, and accomplished. Deriving benefit from positive association does not make us takers but receivers of our compatriots’ dynamic energy. It is equally important we contribute to the dynamic. The motivation does not come from an obligation to repay but from gratitude and to realize the benefit of helping others.
You do not need a lecture on how to be a friend but I suggest you start by being the friend you wish to have. If this approach is unsuccessful, reconsider your wishes. If too burdensome, you have selected unwisely or do not truly desire friendship.
I have the great fortune of being part of a group I believe would do anything for me. Interestingly, I almost never need to call upon them in an “anything” way. Not because my life is free from troubles, but knowledge of their availability fortifies me during troubling times and their regular guidance equips me to deal with the troubles. When confronted with a vexing situation, I can literally hear their voices in my head.
No Reason to Avoid
Some choose to get by without friends in the interest of building self-reliance. Reliance on your tribe is only a hindrance when it becomes dependence. Like a good parent, an effective tribe guides you with a loose hand and leaves you space to fail.
Anyway, is your accomplishment tarnished because you had external support or is it a virtue to utilize available resources? Is the valedictorian belittled for being in a study group with honor students?
If you fear inconveniencing your friends, please know you are depriving them of the opportunity to serve. Have you ever heard, “You should have called me, I could have helped you with that project, drove you to the airport, or answered that question.”?
While this message emphasizes your tribe’s ability to enhance accomplishment, the emotional and physical benefits of connection must be noted in light of the current loneliness epidemic and its detrimental effects (especially on males). In 1624 English poet John Done simply and accurately said, “No man is an island.”
A reluctance to develop or use a tribe can also be traced to feelings of unworthiness. This issue permeates our life and is rightfully the subject of its own blog article.
Make the effort, be a friend for their sake and yours.
