…Gratitude
This saying sounds like a trite nursery rhyme and gets on my nerves like nails scraping on a chalkboard (is that still a thing?).
At the same time, grateful people are psychologically and physically healthier than the ungrateful, making gratitude worthy of exploration and pursuit.
Whatever For?
When asked this question, our thoughts naturally turn toward our possessions – climate-controlled homes, big-screen TVs, and cars with rearview cameras.
When we experience an unfortunate reversal, we are told to think about how much better we have it than the less fortunate. However, I circumvent this approach by quickly turning my thoughts to those with fatter bank accounts and self-driving cars.
While comparison can impede gratitude, it can also educate by directing us to the example of many who apparently have far less than us while possessing far more happiness. The “less” fortunate teach us joy is found in appreciating the seemingly small things we frequently take for granted.
The joyful people in my dad’s hometown of Forino, Italy, appreciate simple, delicious food; inexpensive, locally-produced wine; breathing fresh air; the sight of the lush wooded mountains surrounding the town, and most importantly, meaningful connection with family and friends.
They do not pine for transoceanic cruises with butler service and canapes but excitedly talk about the upcoming celebration of their granddaughter’s first communion.
Longtime friends revel in the piazza playing scopa while rehashing decades-old arguments and stories. They are not distracted by frequently checking stock market tickers or a phone chime announcing the washing machine finished a load of towels.
The townspeople also experience low wages that do not stretch very far, periods of mourning, and complain about an incompetent government, but their dispositions indicate gratitude prevails over these circumstances.
What about the Troubles?
Looking at everything as a gift is beyond my capacity, but I am thankful we can make use of everything. The bullying we received from our childhood tormentors gives us the strength to handle difficult bosses and co-workers. A cash shortage informs us of what is truly important and that we can survive without $7 coffee drinks and countless streaming entertainment subscriptions.
Optimists mention the silver lining as if it redeems a terrible situation. “At least something good came from it” suggests attributing positivity to a negative event. Just because some good eventually results from a tragedy does not inspire me to appreciate it retroactively. In virtually all cases, we would have been better off being spared the calamity.
Our friend’s nine-year-old daughter was abducted and murdered. Through her parents’ strength and desire to spare other families similar grief, they led a successful effort to enact a law strengthening sex offender penalties and registry requirements. This law has undoubtedly saved countless children from brutal victimization.
By separating the catalyzing event from its byproduct, we can be profoundly thankful for the new legal protections without ever appreciating a horrific crime.
How?
Gratitude is a muscle built by conscious decision and maintained by consistent practice. Effective gratitude development involves contemplation (meditation, inventory) and consistent action (expressing appreciation, service, prayer). Click here and here for excellent resources.
Our default practice is situational and prospective – grateful once the love, job, or something else we desire arrives or when we are relieved of illness, grief, or another burden we wish to escape.
Practicing gratitude consistently prepares you to withstand life’s inevitable setbacks. You cannot receive the full joyfulness and optimism gratitude provides by starting when the need arises any more than you can begin training at the marathon starting line.
Particularly challenging times require you to grit your teeth and gird your lions to practice gratitude. Even worse, practicing gratitude at those times probably will not bring you the relief you desire (it may even frustrate you by forcing you to think positively), but gratitude can provide strength to persevere and prevent you from sinking into hopeless despair.
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Give thanks for the good times and in the bad times, and you will understand gratitude and its benefits are not for all circumstances but can be present despite any circumstance.
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Now that we recognize gratitude’s importance and value, what can we do with it?
