Each of us can point to circumstances not of our own doing to justify our current state (poor family, “bad” parents, surname ends in a vowel, went to Podunk school, etc.). All of them may be true, and it is equally true that by taking responsibility for our response, we may prevail against them all.
They Did It
Mark Cuban sold plastic garbage bags and ate mayonnaise sandwiches before starting an online broadcast company that made him his first billion. Oprah rose above a profoundly disadvantageous upbringing to influence millions and become a media mogul.
Don’t think you have what it takes? Ask Jessica Cox, the armless pilot.
Went to a second-tier college? Two friends who did not complete one year of college became CEOs of multi-billion dollar, publicly traded corporations.
You probably have not-too-distant ancestors as role models. My grandmothers improved their lots in life (and laid the foundation for their descendants’ successes) by immigrating to the U.S., one to work as a domestic servant and the other as a seamstress in a sweatshop. A friend recalls his grandfather, who literally walked away from the heavily prejudiced South in the 1920s with an ant-covered piece of bread for sustenance.
These overcoming-the-odds success stories share one element: a protagonist who took ownership of their condition and charge of their solution. Fortunately, inherent in “responsibility” is ability. We only need to act to start the process.
Blessing in Disguise?
Comparatively poor circumstances can motivate us toward accomplishment. The migratory grandparents undoubtedly used memories of hardship in the place they left to fuel their success in the place they went. For adherents to Stoicism, the obstacle is the way.
Graduating from college might be equivalent to climbing Mount Everest for those from unfavorable socioeconomic backgrounds. Those who make it happen build confidence, knowing they can handle life’s inevitable adversities, something the “better-equipped” do not obtain.
A family’s first college graduate is carried upon our shoulders and showered with accolades, while the children of college graduates receive far less fanfare for doing something expected of them.
Additionally, an advantageous upbringing can be a millstone around one’s neck. How many descendants of well-positioned ancestors raised with the privilege we wished for are crushed by the burden of high expectations and have succumbed to substance abuse and suicide?
Hope
While I wish there were never a necessity for these triumphs, many survivors of child abuse forge miraculous stories of healing and accomplishment. These survivors take control back from the perpetrator and circumstance.1 Their courageous stories reflect strength and resilience despite the most profound wounding and can inspire us to pursue a solution in the face of any difficulty.
In hindsight, many old-timers come to a place of acceptance and gratitude for adversity. How often have you heard them complain about their hardscrabble upbringing or life’s tragedies but always punctuate the story with, “I wouldn’t change a thing about it”?
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Adverse circumstances pose significant but not insurmountable obstacles to accomplishment. If we accept responsibility for our response and act on the correct solution, we can overcome the obstacle. Will we decide to act upon our aspirations instead of our circumstances?
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1If you are a victim of child abuse, I urge you to seek assistance regardless of your age and how long ago it occurred. You can find excellent resources at the Children’s Advocacy of Collin County.