Each of us can point to circumstances not of our own doing to justify a lack of accomplishment (economically poor family, “bad” parents, fat genes, surname ends in a vowel, etc.). All of them may be an impairment, but do not consign us to defeat. By taking responsibility for our response, we may prevail against them.
They Did It
Bad upbringing? Oprah rose above an impoverished childhood and sexual abuse to influence millions and become a media mogul.
Don’t have what it takes? Ask Jessica Cox, the armless pilot.
Went to a second-tier college? Two friends who did not complete one year of college became CEOs of multi-billion dollar, publicly traded corporations.
You probably have not-too-distant ancestors as role models. My grandmothers summoned the courage to leave their ancestral lands for the U.S. They did not allow a lack of funds, education, or a high-brow social network to stop them from building a life for their families. In this land of opportunity, they took on the type of work available to them – as a domestic servant and a seamstress in a sweatshop. Their actions yielded a monumental achievement; they laid the foundation for their descendants’ successes.
A friend related to me his grandfather literally walked away from the heavily prejudiced South in the 1920s with an ant-covered piece of bread for sustenance. He did not find fame or fortune but forged a new beginning. His descendants own one of Chicago’s largest electoral contracting firms.
These overcoming-the-odds stories share one element: a protagonist who took ownership of their condition and charge of their solution.
We most likely have not experienced such hardships, and the lesson is not that we have nothing to complain about, for we all have our cross to bear. The moral of the story is responsibility does not remove despair or disappointment but is the catalyst for action. Fortunately, ability springs forth from responsibility.
Blessing in Disguise?
A comparatively poor situation can motivate us toward accomplishment. For example, migrants undoubtedly use memories of difficulties in the place they left to fuel their success in the place they went.
Graduating from college might be equivalent to climbing Mount Everest for those from unfavorable socioeconomic backgrounds. Those who make it happen build confidence, knowing they can handle life’s inevitable adversities, something the “better-equipped” may not possess.
Additionally, an advantageous upbringing can be a millstone around one’s neck. How many descendants of well-positioned ancestors raised with the privilege we wished for are crushed by the burden of high expectations and have succumbed to substance abuse or suicide?
Hope
While I wish there was never a necessity for these triumphs, many survivors of child abuse take control back from the perpetrator and circumstances and forge miraculous stories of healing and triumph.1 Their inspiring stories reflect strength and resilience despite the most profound wounding.
In hindsight, many come to a place of acceptance and gratitude for adversity. How often have you heard old-timers complain about their hardscrabble upbringing or life’s tragedies but always punctuate the story with, “I wouldn’t change a thing about it”?
They accept that tragedies are an inevitable part of a full life and understand they can be used and overcome. Jimmy Buffet sang, “…some of it’s magic and some of it’s tragic but I had a good life all the way” (He Went to Paris).
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Adversity poses significant but not insurmountable obstacles to accomplishment. If we take responsibility, our actions can overcome the obstacles.
Let us act upon our aspirations instead of our circumstances.
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1If you are a victim of child abuse, I urge you to seek assistance regardless of your age and how long ago it occurred. You can find excellent resources at the Children’s Advocacy of Collin County.