Casting the First Stone.
Even our most exalted heroes have done something reprehensible. Peaceful changemaker Ghandi was racist and slept naked with his teenage grandniece. Humanitarian Mother Teresa allegedly provided inadequate, unhygienic care. Anti-imperialist revolutionary Che Guevara was a racist, homophobe, and mass murderer.
If we performed an honest self-examination, we would uncover actions (save for the most severe) similar to those for which we criticize others. Knowing that no one is above reproach does not excuse another’s action or prevent us from rendering an opinion, but it should discourage snap responses and temper our judgment. At the very least, grant the grace you would desire under similar circumstances.
Make Lemonade
When we cancel and decline to engage with the offender, we miss an opportunity for redemption, conversion, and progress. Those who reform can become the best advocates of what they formerly opposed.
The man who Martin Luther King called the most dangerous racist in America, Alabama Governor George Wallace, rejected his segregationist positions and became a champion for Black civil rights. The catalyst for his conversion was a kind and compassionate visit by Shirley Chisholm, a Black Congresswoman, while he was recovering from an assassination attempt. Her unpopular, proactive engagement made the difference when it would have been easier to ignore him or say he got what he deserved.
An Exalted Cyclops of the KKK hellbent on school segregation was so moved by his interaction with a Black female civil rights leader he tore up his KKK membership card and became a civil rights activist. Their resulting lifelong friendship and collaboration inspired a silver-screen biopic.
The most notorious persecutor of the first century’s new religious way underwent a “striking” conversion and arguably became the foremost leader and organizer of the faith practice later called Christianity.
You may not be able to strike someone with lightning, but your influence may give birth to a better advocate than you. Canceling them cancels your opportunity.
What to Do?
It seems like there is a counterpoint or another perspective for every situation. That is true, but the point is not to paralyze us into inaction but to guide our response. We need to think more before acting. Labeling someone a racist serves my ego by making me feel superior but does little to advance racial equality.
Examine the standards to which you hold others. Is their position illegal or immoral, or does it merely conflict with our opinion? You can listen to Kid Rock and Stevie Wonder or break bread with someone who votes in the other political primary.
You are not always obligated to respond. Yes, all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. At the same time, discretion is the better part of valor. Telling your wife to calm down in the middle of an argument is counterproductive, and arguing with drunks is futile and potentially dangerous.
Sometimes, silence coupled with nonverbal communication is effective. The stone-faced, arms-crossed reaction to a racist comment made in a group conversation provoked my friend to later apologize for chuckling at the distasteful comment.
Focus on the conduct rather than the actor. Proving someone is sexist is not as valuable as promoting gender equality. We have too much emotional attachment to our identity, become defensive when attacked, and are rendered unable to address the underlying issue coherently. You will not get him to agree he is sexist, but you can get him to agree that a woman can be President.
My suggestions are not daring, bold, or overpowering, and you may regard them as too flowery, kind, or weak. Am I milquetoast? Perhaps, but what is the goal? It is encouraging dialogue and contemplation to change hearts and minds, not writing the wittiest, most condescending tweet or shouting the loudest.
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Direct your response to objectionable actions and actors toward progress, even at the expense of abstaining from the condemnation we prefer.