What do I Mean?
It is too easy to pursue the avalanche of “opportunities” from within, family, work, and friends that take us away from doing what we previously determined to be most important. We discover the most troublesome enemies of accomplishing our goals are not obvious time wasters like social media but virtuous activities we enjoy.
We are distracted because we forget what is important or, more critically, why it is important. You set goals believing they will yield the greatest positive impact and necessarily decided all other activities were less significant.
How can you say no to joining the non-profit board serving underprivileged children when you are well-suited for the task? When you understand the opportunity cost – the board service will impair your ability to care for an aging family member. This issue is similar to the urgent vs. important dichotomy; instead of urgency, your generous nature is the distractor.
How does it Happen?
You will not be discouraged from or criticized for doing the virtuous but less beneficial. In fact, your community will applaud you for doing them, which makes them even more tempting. The allure of positive affirmation entices us to disregard our goals.
Regretfully, I too often find myself ensnared in this alluring Venus fly trap.
I spent 90 minutes on the phone with my friend’s Aunt Mary, discussing her son’s estate (30+ years ago, I was an estate attorney). Aunt Mary appreciated my advice and sympathetic ear; my friend was grateful, and I was delighted to be helpful. During the same week, I dedicated three hours to providing fund-raising and co-packing advice to three entrepreneurs. They profusely thanked me, and I felt great supporting their businesses.
You probably think I am a fine chap, but you might regard me as a neglectful son if you knew all the facts. Instead of preparing to sell my mother’s condo, I let her continue to incur the carrying costs while freely dispensing counsel to Aunt Mary and the entrepreneurs. I ignored the area where I was uniquely positioned to act.1
How Do We Avoid?
You can ask this threshold question when faced with any possible activity, “Will this action lead me to accomplish one of my goals?” If not, refrain from doing it and replace it with something that will. This exercise reinforces the mindset and discipline required to keep you on task.
You are correct in thinking no one is so properly disciplined to reject everything but the essential. There will be times when your mother-in-law prevails upon you to help her neighbor with an estate question. In these instances, do not fall into a quagmire, but do the deed as efficiently as possible and remember the opportunity cost. Instead of meeting, I could have referred Aunt Mary to another lawyer or sent the entrepreneurs a list of resources.
You can also properly restrict your activities by asking, “Is this an area where I am uniquely qualified to help?” If not, preserve your valuable time and provide superior support to the requestor by referring her to someone or something better suited. If you possess the specialized expertise needed, limit your service to that area instead of accepting full board membership at the non-profit.
Finally, we are accustomed to setting minimum positive goals, such as exercising at least four times per week, and fail to consider maximum limits. Do you need to give up workout #5 to attend your daughter’s soccer games?
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The most cunning enemy of progress is pursuing the virtuous but nonessential.
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1Before you hit send on that critical email, please know I visit my mommy at least twice per week (including wheeling her to church on Sundays) and sold her condo within a few months after coming to this realization.