…may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Do they teach children this lesson anymore, or has it gone the way of multiplication tables?
Of course, it is much easier to widely broadcast words today than when the author penned them in the mid-1800s. We are no longer limited to whispering gossip into our classmate’s ears or scrawling scandalous words on the bathroom wall.
Today, messages can reach the four corners of the world through a single keystroke. Moreover, words do not dissipate with soundwaves or ink fading on notebook paper but are preserved on the World Wide Web.
History Repeats
Over your lifetime, you were undoubtedly the recipient of many troubling insults. Today, you have forgotten most and regard virtually all you can recall as inconsequential.1 Remember this fact when you hear or see the next offensive remark. In time, this new one shall be forgotten or relegated to its proper place.
Cannot unhear what you heard? What about the disparaging comments made behind your back that you never learned of? Those unknown words cannot affect you; only your awareness gives them agency. What about the people who heard them? The discerning listener will accept them for what they are, and the non-discerning listener will be unconvinced by your response.
We can adopt my friend’s perspective, who wisely observed, “What someone thinks of me is none of my business.”
Irony Worthy of O. Henry
We grant value where none is justified. We emotionally invest in Facebook and Instagram comments from distant acquaintances or strangers. We allow the opinions of those we would not trust to provide a restaurant recommendation to trouble our minds. Do you consider if the commenters genuinely care about you or the subject or if commenting is merely a sport for them?
We ensure the barkeep does not cheat us out of one drop in our glasses but freely welcome a random comment about our appearance to preoccupy our thoughts. If the entrance to our minds were as tight as our purse strings, we would not fall victim to what the TikTok generation calls “living in your head rent-free.”
If our minds reciprocated with positive comments, there would, at least, be some poetic justice. Does a positive compliment on your dress play an endless loop in your head, or is it “in one ear and out the other”?
The Real Issues
Fortunately, we have nothing to worry about. Recall the famous quote erroneously attributed to Winston Churchill. “When you’re 20, you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you’re 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
Most crucially, how greatly another’s words impact us indicates that we are putting our self-worth in the hands (words) of another. The resolution is the same as the one for peace; it prevails when our actions are in alignment with our values. Yes, I revel in compliments, but I hope they are the fruit of my value-based actions rather than a response to actions motivated by hopes of receiving a compliment.
Yes, you can dance like no one is watching, but that does not mean you are free of consequences. Last month’s performance at the Children’s Advocacy Center Gala permanently squashed my Presidential ambitions (maybe not).
__________________________________________________
Tune out the barbs. They do not care about you; you do not need to be concerned with their words. Instead, ask if you are pleased with yourself. If not, the resolution will come from within, not from them.
_______________________________________________
1Regrettably, we cannot easily discard the wounds inflicted through the harsh words of those closest to us. Fortunately, you can address them and be largely released from their impact (but not in the span of a blog post).