His Story
A crestfallen friend bared his soul and shared his tale of woe with the expectation of a sympathetic response. What I heard was a tale of triumph, and I offered my congratulations. How? An alternative perspective created this unanticipated, contrarian response.
“Bob” told me the failure of his business cost him his life’s savings and provoked feelings of shame. Financial difficulties forced him to move back in with his parents. Even worse, his parents lost their significant investment in the company. The parents’ loss required Bob’s brother to send money to support their parents.
During this time, Bob became closer than ever to his parents, and they were overjoyed to have him under their roof. What about the sibling who lost part of his inheritance in the failed venture? Rather than resentment, the “troubles” required the brothers to communicate, and they also became closer than ever.
During this tumultuous chapter of his life, Bob met and fell in love with a woman who he says loves him for “who” I am, not “what” I am.
When I offered my congratulations for this fabulous turn of events instead of sympathy, Bob grudgingly admitted my perspective was as plausible as his. Fast forward a couple of years, and Bob is happily married and has landed a professional position suited to his expertise in an industry he loves.
My Story
For me, a profoundly adverse change in business conditions that I could not resolve eventually led me to sell my family’s food business. For the previous 25 years, I was entirely entwined in the company and could not envision a circumstance in which I was not part of it or had an identity apart from it. Up to that point, I possessed the lofty aspiration of working until my last breath.
After the sale was complete, I feared being cast adrift without the emotional safety and security the business provided. What would I do, and more importantly, who am I without the company? Like many, I had attached an outsized personal value to my professional endeavor. I could not imagine any potential benefit from being “unburdened” of the business.
Fortunately, I received excellent counsel and invested effort in developing my emotional IQ. I now have a better relationship with God, myself, my family, and my friends, and I have put myself to good use by supporting the consumer packaged goods community and serving philanthropic organizations. There is also better health, pleasurable travel, writing, and interaction with a legion of wonderful people.
The post-company experience does not mean my business experience was bad. It was good, real good, but not the only good, and I have found even better, mostly due to a change in my attitude. I also acknowledge and appreciate the food business, which afforded me a measure of financial security.
The Message
You have most assuredly experienced a similar circumstance. It was the time you feared dreadful consequences when one door closed (i.e., loss of job or relationship) only to realize later the separation was necessary to open the door to a better job or partner.
These stories do not prove every poor circumstance immediately leads to a great result or that every great result arises from a poor circumstance.
Allow yourself to consider the temporary nature of any present hardship and the possibility of a favorable outcome. In fact, the “misfortune” may be removing an unrecognized impediment to your fulfilling life.
With this understanding, the pain from any current condition is accompanied by the knowledge there will be a provision for your journey and an abundance of fulfilling chapters left to live.
Which of your dreads can be viewed differently or serve as the onramp to something better?