Besides my Hypocrisy, it is True
Thankfully, identifying our hypocrisy can lead to self-improvement and transforming a negative message into a helpful one.
You know the lesson taught to us as children: whenever you point the finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you. In simple terms, you likely possess the qualities you dislike in others.
I proudly told my children they are fortunate I am unlike my parents, who baselessly erupted in anger upon the mere suspicion I might do something even slightly improper, like breaking my curfew by five minutes. My offspring quickly reminded me of my knee-jerk reaction, “Oh, come on!” whenever they committed a major indiscretion, such as leaving the light on after they left the room.
After using the same expression on my granddaughters for expressing a desire for Halloween candy containing sugar, I ceased complaining about my intolerant parents (rather than curb my outbursts).
Like me, you probably learned your lesson and do not complain about something you have done or might do. Instead, we delight in criticizing things we have not or will not do.
Good for the Goose, Good for the Gander?
Many believe homosexuality is a sin. The “fully” heterosexual (including those who protest too much) use this position to loudly condemn homosexuality since they are apparently above reproach in this regard.
These same heterosexuals are silent or become infinitely clever regarding sinful heterosexual activity outside of marriage. The vocal ones eloquently and passionately argue this sexual activity is not so bad, maybe even excusable, because it is understandable, unavoidable, natural, or necessary experimentation.
Currently, there is an uproar over people altering their bodies to decouple their gender from their anatomy. The protests are primarily based on the belief that God divinely assigned an unchangeable physical gender.
Remarkably, there is not a similar uproar over the millions of women who, dissatisfied with their God-given chests, augment them with silicon-filled pouches. Likewise, men circumvent God’s plan for male pattern baldness by ripping hairs from their neckline and transplanting them to the top.
Apart from self-serving vanity, we disrupt God’s design with surgery to separate siblings whom God created conjoined even when it is not necessary to save their lives.
What about the advocates of laws prohibiting parents from obtaining transgender treatment for their children? They are the same people who threatened armed rebellion if the government mandated the COVID jab for their children because it would interfere with a parent’s freedom to make healthcare decisions for their children.
Yes, you can shout “false equivalency” and point to some differentiating characteristic. Ask yourself, is your “difference” an attempt at rationalization or a distinction without a difference?
I am not here to argue the appropriateness of transgender procedures or boob jobs but to stimulate thought about the consistency of our reasoning. In full disclosure, I have a transgender family member who I accept, love, and support.
Our Motive
Beyond avoiding hypocrisy, we need to assess our motivation. Do we put someone down to lift ourselves up? Is external criticism a distraction technique of looking at the speck in someone’s eye while ignoring the plank in our own?
From a practical standpoint, judgment, as we typically practice it through condemnation, is ineffective and counterproductive. The “victim” receives it as intended and becomes defensive and counterattacks, eroding rather than improving all involved.
However, criticism is valuable when used constructively to help another. “Help” is the operative term. The dialogue retains the critical content but transforms it from condemnation to benevolent guidance. The criticism is not the end but the means to a better end.
I can tell Bob he can improve his family dynamic by attending more school events and spending less time at the pub. I tell Sally she will have less stress and her employees will perform better when she stops micromanaging them.
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Check yourself before you speak in judgment. Consider how another’s issue might be your own elsewhere. Use this awareness first to improve yourself. Then, with the desire to uplift another instead of elevating yourself, you will design and deliver a message benefiting its recipient.
Go be critical helpful to yourself and others.
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