Each of us can point to circumstances not of our own doing to justify our current state (poor family, “wrong” skin color, surname ends in a vowel, went to Podunk school, etc.). All of them may be true, but it is equally true that all may be overcome if we assume responsibility for our response.
The Exemplary
We have famous role models. Oprah overcame a very disadvantaged upbringing to become a billion-dollar media mogul. Don’t think you have what it takes? Ask Jessica Cox, the armless pilot.
You probably have not-too-distant ancestors or friends as role models. My grandmothers improved their lots in life by coming to the U.S., one to work as a domestic servant and the other as a seamstress in a sweatshop. A friend recalls his grandfather who literally walked away from the heavily prejudiced South in the 1920s using an ant-covered piece of bread for sustenance.
Went to a second-tier college? Two close friends who did not complete one year of college rose to become CEOs of multi-billion dollar, publicly-traded corporations.
These overcoming-the-odds success stories share one element, protagonists who took ownership of their condition and charge of their solution.
Use It
Comparatively poor circumstances may provide the motivation needed to bring us to a place of accomplishment. The migratory grandparents undoubtedly used memories of hardship in the place they left to fuel their success in the place they went. For adherents to Stoicism, the obstacle is the way.
Because of a poor family background, graduating from college might be the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest. For another, it might be like sailing on smooth seas. If you make it happen, you will not only receive the same academic education but also build inner strength along with the confidence of knowing you can survive life’s inevitable adversities. The untested, smooth sailor is not similarly equipped.
We feel a greater sense of accomplishment and receive more affirmation after completing a tougher journey. The children of college graduates are not given much credit for graduating, but a family’s first college graduate is carried upon our shoulders and buried under an avalanche of accolades.
Remember, an advantageous foundation can be a millstone around one’s neck. How many descendants of well-positioned ancestors raised with the privilege we wished for have been crushed by the burden of high expectations and succumbed to substance abuse and suicide?
In the interest of personal responsibility, we may need to acknowledge our role in creating our current condition. When we complain about a direct report, do we take responsibility for hiring or retaining the person? Do we lament Mother Nature for losses on the property we purchased in a flood zone?
Of course, you can be victimized through no fault of your own. Nearly 700,000 children each year are confirmed victims of abuse/neglect. These victims are entirely without fault and suffer dreadful physical and emotional injuries.
This most severe example illustrates we may experience the greatest misfortune from uncontrollable, external forces. Fortunately, we retain complete control over our response and can prevent any circumstance from becoming a permanent limitation. This ability comes with the responsibility to seek and pursue the proper solution.1
In hindsight, we often come to a place of acceptance and gratitude for adversity. How many times have you heard old-timers complain about their hardscrabble upbringing or life’s tragedies but always punctuate the story with, “I wouldn’t change a thing about it”?
Our Charge
Clearly, adverse circumstances pose significant obstacles to accomplishment. However, if we accept responsibility for our response and take action on the correct solution, the obstacle can be overcome. The question becomes – Will we make a decision about who and what we want to be and take action upon our aspirations?
Next week, we will talk about the unexpected joy arising from real disasters.
1If you are a victim of child abuse, I implore you to seek the assistance you need regardless of your age and how long ago it occurred. You can find excellent resources at the Children’s Advocacy of Collin County.
