We know what we must do to accomplish our goals but fail to do them consistently. To make progress, we need commitment and perseverance (i.e., discipline).
Promise
Any goal undoubtedly requires doing things you would rather not do or abstaining from things you want. Remarkably, we often have a higher commitment to others than ourselves.
On a Saturday afternoon when you would much rather relax on the couch, you spend an hour primping yourself and then drive an hour to attend a distant cousin’s daughter’s baby shower to celebrate the girl you have not seen since the training wheels came off her bike.
After a long day at work, finally getting the children to bed, and wanting nothing more than to soak in the tub, you bake secret recipe cupcakes for the office holiday luncheon.
While we would not dare miss the party or fail to bring dessert, we readily skip our workout, stay in front of the TV, doomscroll, or leave the book unread. If we consider our goals as more than pleasant aspirations but as promises, we will meet them. Sometimes, after sunset on Sunday, I get off the couch and hoist dumbbells to keep my promise to lift weights twice weekly.
Just for Today
We also believe adhering to the habit for the desired period is too formidable, and we quit. Or, when we break a habit, we allow the break to gain inertia and become an anti-habit.
Taking a page from 12-step programs, we only need to think and act in daily increments, today, not the remainder of the week, month, or year. If you miss a practice, do not start wallowing in despair that perpetuates the interruption; do not let the break extend to consecutive days. The expected and only choice for 12-steppers who break abstinence is to begin a new streak the very next day.
The one-day-at-a-time principle facilitates avoidance decisions by confining them to “not today.” For example, I do not wish to indulge my desire to dance with women in short dresses at the club while partaking in bottle service. When the urge strikes, I tell myself to wait until tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, the urge has passed, or I postpone the escapade until the following day. Have you seen me in the discotheque recently?
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day
When frustrated by a lack of tangible progress, use patience to fuel your perseverance.
After faithfully going to the gym for a month, your derriere is no more bulbous, and you do not look like the veteran Pilates instructor. We know our expectations are unrealistic, but we impatiently give up and deny ourselves the unavoidable reward from accumulated effort.
Fortunately, gradual progression has a positive side: imperceptible regression. Remaining on the couch one day or eating a donut does not cause a detectable reduction in fitness or measurable weight gain. However, fidelity to inaction or the wrong action will surely lead us to ruin in the same way positive action leads to gain.
To hold impatience at bay, measure progress not by the result but by adherence to the habit or forbearance. My genetics may prevent me from looking like my Pilates instructor, but I am in control of attending class five times weekly. Also, measure results at appropriate intervals. Rather than brooding over daily gym mirror selfies, take pictures monthly and compare them after three months.
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Maintain action by treating your goals as promises to yourself and keep them. You will likely need to wait patiently for your cumulative actions to yield their inevitable bounty.