Stating the Case
It is simple. Mentorship enables growth you cannot achieve alone. Once you recognize its value, you find it is only appropriate for two “select” groups: those who want more out of life and those who want to give more to life.
The Association for Talent Development defines mentoring as a reciprocal relationship helping (i) mentees develop confidence and improved decision-making skills and (ii) mentors receive satisfaction from seeing others progress, expand generational and cultural perspectives, and strengthen interpersonal skills.
Mentorship is typically thought of as occurring between senior and junior employees or industry experts and novices. For purposes of this message, mentors are people developers, not subject matter experts.
Significant life experience and good judgment in evaluating situations and implementing solutions are far more critical than subject matter expertise.
While I made frozen entrees, my mentor rented TVs and couches. The guy who knew nothing about food manufacturing possessed great judgment and experience with people and personal development (building his company to over 3,000 locations). His mentorship was not intended to teach business solutions but to develop me so I could solve my business issues.
Professional coaches can serve as mentors and are particularly effective when you are new to personal development. My former life coach, Jonathon Troen, with his skillful and intense guidance, accelerated my development journey. However, this message concerns non-professional mentors.
Mentorship is not a substitute for mental health therapy needed to resolve certain conditions and can be beneficial even if not required. I recommend it, have benefitted from it, and see more of my “normal” friends availing themselves of it.
Proof in the Pudding
After mainly ignoring mentorship during my professional career (to my misfortune), I have entered into incredibly enriching mentorship relationships over the past few years. Today, I am a fierce advocate for mentorship and would not be writing this blog but for those relationships.
My mentors provided insight, encouragement, and accountability. They helped me recognize my intense passion for writing, expected me to follow my passion, and monitored my pre-launch progress.
My mentees provided different accountability. How could I encourage them to chase their dreams if I was unwilling to pursue my own? Would I follow my recommendation to view obstacles as opportunities? In addition to some technical advice, their interest in my pursuit compelled me to make promises I had to keep.
Recognizing mentorship will bring you to places you cannot go alone; you cannot help but seek it. Realizing the benefit it confers and the satisfaction it provides, you cannot help but give it.
Don’t Spare the Rod
A mentor must be someone you trust, is forthright, and has a desire to help. Age, gender, race, industry background, etc., are largely irrelevant. The deciding factor is who you are comfortable being honest with and receiving honesty from.
An effective mentor must tell you like it is. For this reason, a mentor is probably not a friend or family member. They care too much about your feelings to give you the directness you need, and you may lack the comfort to speak as freely as you need.
A mentor is more invested in your success than your feelings. When a mentee recently began ranting and blaming others for his problem, I curtly interrupted him with a question about his responsibility for the situation. After our meeting, he thanked me for my frankness and volunteered he could go to his mom if he wanted validation.
Treasured Relationship
Ironically, you may share more intimate details of your life with your mentors and mentees than with your best social friends. While you will become very close with your mentorship partners, you will not be friends as that term is commonly used.
Although not as strict as the separation between mental health therapists and clients, an appropriate distance eliminates the fear of social ramifications associated with revealing communication.
“Distance” does not minimize the relationship. Like close social friends, you may only have a few great mentor relationships in your lifetime, and you will find them equally valuable and rewarding.
Stay tuned for three more posts where I share how to find, pursue, and thrive in the best mentor relationships.
